A few weeks ago I wrote a column that was critical of Rosie O'Donnell and other celebrities for keeping their sexuality an "open secret." Among the many e-mail responses I got was a note from someone named "Rosie," asking me to do her a favor -- to write to her at 11 p.m. on March 14, after the Diane Sawyer interview, and tell her what I thought of theA few weeks ago I wrote a column that was critical of Rosie O'Donnell and other celebrities for keeping their sexuality an "open secret." Among the many e-mail responses I got was a note from someone named "Rosie," asking me to do her a favor -- to write to her at 11 p.m. on March 14, after the Diane Sawyer interview, and tell her what I thought of theshow. Following her instructions to the letter (I was raised Catholic), I wrote and told "Rosie" I thought the "Primetime" show did a big service to gay families, and I asked her for an interview. She wrote back and gave me a phone number -- which turned out to be for the office of "The Rosie O'Donnell Show." Although Rosie wouldn't agree to an in-person interview at this time, we spoke on the phone and did the following e-mail exchange about her "odd position" in the gay community.

In that interview, you said that you had never experienced discrimination as a gay person. But then later on you said you hope your kids are straight, because being gay is so hard. Those two statements seem contradictory -- can you explain?

It is hard for most. Quite hard. I am not ignorant of that fact. I have many friends who have suffered as a result of being gay. I, however, have not. Aside from being denied the opportunity to adopt my foster child, I have never experienced discrimination as a gay woman.

I was surprised that you read my column on PlanetOut. Were you specifically looking for reactions to the rumor that you were coming out, or have you been reading the gay press for a while?

I have always read "gay" magazines. I was not looking for anything
particular. I do like to click around PlanetOut and the Data Lounge, to see what's up. Who's saying what. How often, how loudly.

Why do you think gay journalists have been so hard on you, in a way that they weren't hard on Ellen?

Cause some of them are bitter, hostile, myopic people, who no matter what would have had a problem with my life decisions. My rule is, you play your cards, I will play mine.

What do you make of gay journalist Michelangelo Signorile's assertion that it was your desire to silence your gay critics that made you come out?

He is a moron. His idea of gay America consists of only those he deems worthy enough. I do not enjoy him, his point of view or his rhetoric. (He isn't even funny.) One reason I did not come out sooner, I didn't want anyone to associate me with Signorile in any way. Same goes for Musto (Michael Musto, Village Voice gossip columnist).

In an e-mail to me, you said you were now in an "odd position"
vis-a-vis the gay community -- why is that?

Cause I think so many of the loudest gay folk cast judgment and assign blame to those they consider quietly gay -- "not gay enough." I have been accused by some of being "not gay enough." My response has always been, I do not have to be gay like you. I only have to be gay like me.

In coming out, how much were you hoping to broaden the public's view of gay people?

I was only trying to alert people to the fact that there are half a million kids in foster care in America. That over 100,000 are available for adoption today. That the laws in the state where I live prevented me from adopting the child I fostered for over 16 months, because I am gay. But mostly I wanted people to see Bert's (the foster son of gay parents Steve Lofton and Roger Croteau) family to know that the state was trying to take him away from his home. I wish I could say I had a gay agenda I was trying to serve. I did not. I want Bert to stay with his family. My speaking about my life, my situation as a gay Floridian foster parent could make a difference in that boy's life, and that is why I did it.

Some gay activists seem to think that if everyone would just come out, all the problems of gay people would end.

I think it is important. I think everyone moves through life at their own pace, and patience is a virtue.

If you had not heard and felt so passionately about the case in Florida, do you think it would have taken you longer to come out to the public?

Yes. I wanted a reason. This was a good one. Who knows what would have happened? I knew after fostering one child I would foster another, and I wanted to make sure my home was a possible option for any child that would benefit in it. So I decided to fight this law in Florida. The case of Bert and his family was like a gift from above, to show everyone how absurd this law is.

If the Florida gay adoption ban is overturned, do you see yourself moving on to the other states with gay adoption bans?

I live in Florida. I am a foster parent in Florida. I will concentrate on the law in that state.

You told Diane Sawyer that most of the kids in Florida who need homes have black or brown skin. Do you think white people can do a good job parenting kids of color?

When I interviewed gay couples for a book I wrote on gay marriage, many told me that their kids wanted them to get married and that they wanted to marry for the sake of their kids. If you could legally marry Kelli, would you?

I am in a committed, lifelong relationship with Kelli. We share our life in every way. We are a family.

I will support my children in every way, as most of us only wish our parents had.

Paula Martinac is the author of seven books, including "The Queerest Places: A Guide to Gay and Lesbian Historic Sites." She can be reached at LNcolumn@aol.com.